And the winner of the "most boring food name ever" contest is....

I'd love to be a fly on the wall at the marketing meeting where this name was thought up.
"Crispy....Parallelograms?"
"No, HEXAGONS, damnit, HEXAGONS! That'll get results!"

Posting as Christian Frank

Over the last week I've been posting more as Christian Frank (i.e. for the JP2 High books). Check out the blog here - some interesting stuff, especially if you're interested in the series. Got new pictures of the characters, etc. 

I finally figured out who Mary Poppins is

You ready?

A JEDI KNIGHT!!!

Come on, think about it. It's obvious, ain't it?

And just as obvious is that Bert is a Sith Lord. That's why he's always wearing black, and singing those horrible, horrible songs.

Location:Germantown Pike,Collegeville,United States

This one's for all you Eagles Fans out there.

...and Saints fans, and Chiefs fans, and especially Colts fans....

Not enough? How about this? 

Still not enough? That's my son! 

All right all right all right. Third time's the charm... 

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...... 

Cleansing. 

Creepy stuff I saw at Tarjaaay

My wife and I were just at Tarjaaay (you know, the glitzy megastore with the bulls-eye logo) and I saw this item:



Hmm, I thought. That's interesting. And we moved on.
Then I stopped. I turned around, walked back to the toy display and looked again:


Yes. I was right. It's the Joker. The freaking Joker. Somebody made a toy for kids starring the...

 freaking...

 Joker. Ages 3 to 8.
Now, I'm going to surprise you. After some thought, I felt less "this is freaking wrong" and more amusement. Even sympathy. Because you just know this idea originated with some poor middle-management guy in Saigon or Japan who has no idea who the Joker is. He probably saw something like...

...and thought Oh. Clown. American babies like clowns. And Batman. American kids like Batman. Clowns...and Batman. We sell to babies...and kids too! 
Ah. The poor guy.
(Incidentally, have you ever read the Wikipedia article on the Joker? It's fascinating.)

Actually, I saw something much creepier at the Bulls-eye Barn - a label on some organic baby food:


Of course I usually shy away from mentioning organic food. It's just too easy. A big, obvious tarjaaay. ("Pay more money for a product more likely to contain squirming maggots!" "Eat like a peasant in 8th century France!" and so on.) Come on, I have some standards. But what I found creepy about this cute little message is the thought that a seven-year-old child has some say on the executive board of some corporation. What if she gets mad with power? What if she demands that all our baby food contain unicorn blood, or shredded crayons? What then? Huh?  
In times like this, I have to cling to what is certain. What I know. For example, I know that no matter what the crazed lil' Ella dreams up, Tarjaay will mark the price up by 50%, then have a "sale" marking it down by 25%. And I know my wife will buy it because it's from Tarjaay. Just kidding Honey. 

I found a brand new least favorite song AND group!

"Going to the Mall" by the School Gyrls!
You should definitely NOT buy it and listen to it! But I will pull back the veil a little and reveal some of the profound lyrics:

Oh, we're going to the mall
And we gonna buy everything I want
Gucci, Fendi, Prada, I might buy it all
Gon' get it, yeah we gon' get it
We gon' get it, yeah we gon' get it
See it and you want it, go ahead and charge it
Big money over here, yeah we gonna get it all

Isn't this exactly what teenage girls need to hear?
Plus, it's really annoying to listen to!
Plus, the band has done the totally original trick of replacing an "i" with a "y"!  Brilliant!
This little ditty might - just maybe - topple "I Want It That Way" from the top of my Favorite Songs Written By Evil Corporations List!

Post-book celebration

Sorry, it's private! Me and my wife got a babysitter and we're going to a movie - I finally get to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader!

By the way, I should mention that our babysitters were none other than my very generous mother and father-in-law.

Location:Arch St,Norristown,United States

So the book is done...

...so what now? Well, lots. First of all, this book is awesome. That's what everyone who has read it tells me. However, there's still a lot of post-production work to be done. Editing...cutting...thinking of a cool title (NOT "Protestant for the Summer") and promotion and such. So it looks like y'all have to wait just a little bit longer for the final product. All of this delay is just standard for publishing, by the way. But rest assured that all of us on the team are working as quick as we can to get the book out to you.


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Pillow Talk (Part 2)

She: I think global warming IS happening. And i have a solution: flaming bags of poo.

Me: I love you
She: I tolerate you.

Her brother: face it Katie, you're a terrible cook.
She: I'll poison your food.
Me: that wouldn't help your case.

She: I voted for the green party - but I like blue better. (?????) (No, she didn't vote for the Green Party)

Me: you know, sometimes you have no sense of irony.
She: you know what would be ironic? If you died while screaming "let me live."


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Another test post - picture!

Yet another boring test post. At least I sweetened the sharp tang of disappointment with a picture of a cute baby:


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Test post

If you read this blogpost with the expectation of something funny and/or interesting, sorry to disappoint. I'm just testing out an app that lets me post from my iPhone.

Then again, you might find this post VERY funny and interesting. In which case, I pity you.


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Enjoying my Christmas present...

I was so busy in December finishing the book that I didn't even put together a proper loot list for Christmas - but I did remember to request one thing: The Annotated Hobbit. I love "the Annotated" anything, but this is a special treat. Come on, haven't you always had a secret yearning to know the etymology behind Gollum and Bilbo's riddles? Be honest.

Okay, maybe it's just me. But as long as we're on the subject of Tolkien, here's a YouTube video of the man himself. Rather interesting. (Sorry, I can't embed it). I like especially this line from the narrator describing The Children of Hurin: "It is a dark tale of incest and betrayal, and one in which most of the protagonists kill themselves or each other."
To which my first reaction was: "Far out!" What does that say about me?
Well, maybe not much. After all, it's not as bad as most of Shakespeare. Ever read Titus Andronicus? How about Ovid? (Both of which, of course, were best sellers in their day).