Happy 4th of July

Every 4th of July, my family and I watch HBO's John Adams. It's good to remember where we came from:


Afterwards, we read the Declaration of Independance:

You want to know why I'm a smoker? THIS is why I'm a smoker.

I work on the IT help desk at a company. People call me when they have problems with their computers. Some of them are...difficult. Here's a conversation I had a few minutes ago:

*Ring ring*
ME: Help desk. This is John
CALLER: Is something wrong with the computers?
ME: Um..excuse me, what?
CALLER: Is something wrong with the computers?
ME: Which computers?
CALLER: All of them. Is something wrong?
ME: All right...what seems to be the problem, ma'am?
CALLER: Everything freezes up. I can't do anything.
ME: Okay, I think there's a problem with just your-
CALLER: It's still frozen up! Did you do something?
ME: No. Now do you have a laptop, or a desktop?
CALLER: Both.
ME: Okay. Which one are you using?
CALLER: Neither.
ME: *gritting teeth* All right. You are using a computer right now, correct?
CALLER: No! I can't! It's frozen!
ME: .....
ME: Can you describe what your computer looks like?
CALLER: It's a boxy thing. It's sitting on my desk.
ME: Great. That would be your desktop.
CALLER: But nothing's wrong with my desktop! It's the box on the desktop. And it's still frozen.
ME: Okay, let's just call that boxy thing your "desktop," okay? Now-
CALLER: I have to get this out to a client!
ME: I understand. Now, I can't remote into your desktop, so-
CALLER: What?
ME: Sorry. I can't connect to your...er...boxy thing. I'll have to walk over there. Okay?
CALLER: Should I stay on the phone? 
(a few minutes later, I arrive on the scene)
ME: Okay, let's take a look.
CALLER: It's still frozen!
ME: Let me take a look...okay, here's the problem. Microsoft Word's frozen and using up 95% of your CPU.
CALLER: Can you unfreeze it?
ME: Let me see...no, probably not. We'll need to just shut down Word and restart it.
CALLER: Can you save my words?
ME: Which words?
CALLER: The words on the screen!
ME: Um...no. But Autorecovery should get them...when's the last time you've saved your document?
CALLER: What?
ME: Your words. The words on the screen. When's the last time you-
CALLER: Can you print them out?
ME: No. I can't do anything. It's frozen.
CALLER: Can't you unfreeze them?
ME: ....
ME: Tell you what. Let me try.
(I terminate the Word process. MS Word restarts, and autorecovery works. Document comes back up unscathed.)
CALLER: They're back! Save them! Quick.
ME: Okay. There you go.
CALLER: Thank you! You're a genius.
ME: No problem. Next time save your words, okay?
CALLER: Thank you!
CALLER: Can I get a new box? This one is slow. And it freezes.
ME: Well, you'll need to request one from your supervisor.
CALLER: Can't you just give it to me?
ME: No, we need permission to-
CALLER: My supervisor keeps asking me to get a new computer.
ME: Well, she can ask for one by entering a ticket.
CALLER: She doesn't need a new computer! I do! Her computer is fine!
ME: Ah. But she needs to ask for you to get a new computer.
CALLER: ...
CALLER: For me?
ME: Yes. She asks for you.
CALLER: That doesn't make sense.
ME: I don't make the rules, ma'am.
CALLER: If I get a new computer, will it freeze too?
ME: *crossing myself* I hope not.

I'm not making any of this up. (By the way, the caller is actually a very nice person in real life.)

And... Another song

I recorded another song this morning: Isabel.

This song is one of my personal favorites. It's just really fun to play. Problem is, I play it too often; my wife is sick of it.

Interesting story behind the song: the "Isabel" refers to the 2003 hurricane. I was at the breezeway at my parents house when this storm came in, and I wrote the whole thing right there.

Yay I'm on youtube 4 times!

So a few days ago one of my co-workers comes up to me and says "Hey! Can you play guitar?"
ME: "Um....yes?"
Coworker: Cool! You're on youtube! Check it out!"
So I do...and he's right. My dad (who's sort of a YouTube fanatic) posted a couple videos of me playing guitar. And that got me thinking... those of you who know me well know that I've written lots and lots of songs over the years. Most of them exist only in my head. Some are written down. Almost none are recorded.

So...I'm going to start recording them. And putting them on YouTube. What the hey. It's better than nothing. At least they won't disappear into oblivion if I get hit by a truck or something. (And yes, I know "disappear into oblivion" is an oxymoron).

I started tonight. Unfortunately it was after midnight and my family's asleep, so I recorded two softer, meloncholy songs. Enjoy! All are in the playlist above - which will hopefully get larger soon.

Yay I'm on YouTube again

The "Count" from Sesame Street is still a vampire!

Yeah, I know he's only a muppet. But he's still a vampire muppet. Want proof? Look what I found in one of Dominic's books:






The first thing I thought when I saw this was "CHOMP!"

One puncture wound...two puncture wounds...three puncture wounds! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

You think I'm overreacting? Look at the poor muppet dentist's face:



Tell her I'm overreacting.

We clearly need a muppet Van Helsing. I'll be starting a letter campaign to PBS immediately.

Yay I'm on youtube

Okay, NOW what do I do with my life?

It's been two years. TWO YEARS
Two years of clickety-clack on my laptop...and then on my other laptop...then my desktop...or my notepad.
Two years with Word 2003...then Google Docs...then Word 2010.
Two years of weekends spent alone at Barnes and Noble...or Starbucks...or Borders...or anyplace with free Wi-Fi.
Two years of living on coffee, scones and criminally overpriced ham sandwiches (see above)
Two years of watching employees at said establishments come and go, and realizing that I'd spent more time there than them.

Two years of making stuff up. Characters...a geeky black guy...a blonde queen-bee type girl...and dozens of others. Plots...a murder. Acts of terrorism. Being touched by God.
Two years of making it real - research. Apologetics. Summer Camp. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. How to destroy a boiler. How to trigger an electrical fire. How to tap a phone. How to fake it and hope nobody who actually knows what they're doing reads your book and calls you out.

Two years of secretly wondering if I'd ever finish the damn thing.
Two years of worrying that no one would care if I did.
Two years of explaining to friends, family, and co-workers that this was REALLY important.
Two years of wondering if I was lying.
Clickety-clack.

Two years filled with stories like this:

• Type. backspace. Type. Backspace. Type. Stare into space. Glower at the screen. Backspace. type some more. Feeling better now. Type type type. Am transported into a transcendant state by the sheer power of my words. Type type type.
  Next morning. Read it over. It's melodramatic crap. Backspace.
• It's almost done, honey. No, can't watch the movie. It's only ten o'clock. I can get a few hours in...WHAT? He took his first step today? Um...did you get a picture?
  No?  
• Hey, mom. No, it's not done yet. I'm almost there. So...family's coming in? My sister and her kids? Can I come over? No...sorry. I'm on a deadline. Yeah, I know there's not really a deadline. Of course it'll get published! I'll LuLu it if I have to...sorry. Yeah, I know I need a haircut.

Two years of punching and prodding and working over this thing, trying to make it short and sweet...and long and rich...and compelling and heartrending...and stern and loving...and funny.
Two years of trying not to think about it.

Two years of asking myself why I'm bothering. Is it for my own pride? Stubbornness? Yearning for fame? Certainly not the money.
Two years of remembering that this is a ministry. That maybe something I write could help a kid out there. Maybe.

Two years of quiet, patient plugging. Don't worry. Just write. There's no such thing as writer's block. Just write.
And some decent stuff comes out.

Two years of thinking. Musing on Death. Murder. Grief. Loss. Terror. Joy. Grace. Salvation.
Two years of slowly realizing that I'm not nearly good enough to write about this stuff.

Two years of prayer. Because I really need it.

Two years of occasional self-pity.
All right, all right...two years of a lot of self-pity.

Two years of wishing I could be home.
Two years of loving every bit of it.

Two years of telling myself and everyone else that it's almost done, it's almost done, it's almost done...
One day, I realize that it's done. At least it's done enough. It'll work.

Two days ago I finished the final rewrite of my book. Book 3 of the John Paul 2 High Series.


Now what do I do?

I think I'll play with my kid. Then fall asleep watching a movie. And promise myself that I'm not doing Book 4.

Maybe Book 5.

Death of a blasphemer.

Osama Bin Laden is dead. How is a Christian to react?
First of all we should recognize this man and his followers for what they are. They aren't just terrorists. They aren't insurgents. They are blasphemers. 

What is blasphemy? The Catechism describes it thus:
Blasphemy...consists in uttering against God - inwardly or outwardly - words of hatred, reproach, or defiance; in speaking ill of God; in failing in respect toward him in one's speech; in misusing God's name. .... It is also blasphemous to make use of God's name to cover up criminal practices, to reduce peoples to servitude, to torture persons or put them to death. The misuse of God's name to commit a crime can provoke others to repudiate religion. (paragraph 2148. Emphasis added).

And scripture describes it so:
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain." (Exodus 20:7)

I have little doubt that it's okay to rejoice that the punishment has taken place in this world. I have no doubt the punishment will continue in the next.

That's a good price for 12 pounds of nutmeg

Over the 1 1/2 years of marriage, my mature and immature sides have been constantly battling each other. The mature side says: "you're married. You have a kid. Do NOT attempt to sell the kid on eBay." The immature side says: "But this guy in Botswanaland is bidding five goats AND a barrel of goose lard!"

Well, those days are over. My mature side has come up on top at last. What's the proof? I now have a BJ's membership--and we just returned from our maiden trip there. 

Whenever I've entered BJ's or Sam's Club or any of these megastores, my first thought is that this is the place I'm gonna make a beeline for when that nuclear and/or zombie thing finally goes down. You know how in those post-apocalyptic movies there's always some kinda warlord villian with men, booze and saltine crackers? How do you think they got that way? They were the first one to get to BJ's, barricade the doors, and sit inside with a rifle until people started showing up offering sex-for-food deals. The movies are all wrong: The battle in the future won't be for mail or the privilege of not having to drink your own pee or even hanging out on Alcatraz with a bunch of paperbacks...it'll be for tanks of cranberry juice and refridgerator-sized boxes of Slim Jims. 

Anyhoo, we just got back and managed to put everything away. All we needed was a ship's anchor chain to tie the fridge door shut ($12.95, found it in row 7) and to throw away our bed. And now I'm sitting here reflecting on my new mound of supplies: 

• A bag of Uncle Ben's rice roughly the same size (and weight) as a bag of cement. Won't need to buy rice again for the next two presidential terms. 
• Two Wilbur's and one Babe's worth of Honey-smoked ham
• Enough diapers to attend to the needs of the entire county's 1-3 year-old and 80-120-year-old population. 
• A block of cheese so large that I'm tempted to eat my way into it and make a little cheese cave (a childhood dream) 
• Enough spaghetti to feed a busload full of ravenous Genoese
• And enough Genoese salami to...well, let's say that I appreciate salami. 

But what now? What do I do with my life now that I got more crackers than Alabama and more nuts than a Wisconsin teacher's union? Is this all there is to life? 

Of course not. But it is nice to have all the simple needs of me and my family satisfied for the next couple months. Now I can worry about more important things, like finding out where we're going to sleep. Wait..the toilet paper. We got four rafts worth. Problem solved...unless we gotta go to the bathroom. At least we won't have to drink our own pee. Plus I finally got my cheese cave. 

Shahbaz Bhatti, pray for us.

I personally think that this guy is a martyr. A lone Catholic minister in Pakistan, murdered because he dared to stand up to the blasphemous thugs of the Taliban. They are blasphemous because they invoke the name of God to commit murder. That's the true blasphemy.

In any case, it'll take steely courage and true holiness to defeat Islamism. Shabaz Batti had both. Two months ago, this is what he said:

The forces of violence, militant banned organisations, the Taliban and pro al-Qaida, they want to impose their radical philosophy in Pakistan and whoever stands against their radical philosophy, they threaten them.

When I'm leading this campaign against the sharia law, for the abolishment of [the] blasphemy law and speaking for the oppressed and marginalised persecuted Christian and other minorities, these Taliban threaten me, but I want to share that I believe in Jesus Christ, who has given his own life for us.
I know what is the meaning of [the] cross and I'm following the cross and I'm ready to die for a cause.
I'm living for my community and suffering people and I will die to defend their rights so these threats and these warnings cannot change my opinion and principles. I will prefer to die, following my principle and for the justice of my community rather to compromise on these threats.


His funeral was today. Please say a prayer for his family, and for all Christians in Pakistan.

I just think this is really cool

The title page from an Italian edition of "Leaf by Niggle" by J.R.R. Tolkien.