How to not survive the 3rd trimester

A couple weeks ago, my wife came to me with a grave expression. "I need your opinion," she said, slapping down a alarmingly thick sheaf of papers. 

It turned out to be a printout of the baby registry - things for other people to buy at the upcoming baby shower. For the next half-hour, a barrage of unfamiliar images and concepts flashed before my eyes -- cribs, carriages, carry-ons, car seats, onesies, twosies, footsies, diaper bags... 

"Is this all really necessary?" I said when she took a breath. "I mean, why do you need a crib?" 

The Twouble with Twitter

Tweet! Tweet! Tweedle-dee-dee!
Have you heard the word, bird? Have you caught the A-Twain? Have you joined the chorus of rockin' robins clustered round the tweetin' tree?

That, right, dear readers! With a rollings of drums, with a fanfare of twumpets, we bring you the blessed new awakening, the latest, greatest innovation of social networking for the young'n'hip folk...

Why Mayonnaise is Evil (and other self-evident truths)

Over the years, I've often been mocked by family and friends for my "finicky" eating habits - their words, not mine. I've borne these slanders for many years with nary a word in my defense - but the days of passive-aggressive sulking are past. It's time to justify myself.

To be honest, I don't see why I should be targeted out as being finicky. My personal Index of Forbidden Foods isn't a multi-volume work, after all - it can fit it into a single index card:

1. Mayonnaise

2. Anything that contains mayonnaise

3. Anything that looks like mayonnaise

Four simple words

Speaking about bumper stickers...today I saw one that was kinda confusing. This is what it said:

I voted for Obama

...that's it. No joke - no 'point' - snappy, stupid or otherwise. Just four words. And no period.

Those four words are kind of a tabula rasa, aren't they? Meaningless by themselves, they invite we, the readers, to impregnate them with meaning. Is it a declaration? A confession? A statement?