Sunday, February 28, 2010

How to not survive the 3rd trimester

A couple weeks ago, my wife came to me with a grave expression. "I need your opinion," she said, slapping down a alarmingly thick sheaf of papers. 

It turned out to be a printout of the baby registry - things for other people to buy at the upcoming baby shower. For the next half-hour, a barrage of unfamiliar images and concepts flashed before my eyes -- cribs, carriages, carry-ons, car seats, onesies, twosies, footsies, diaper bags... 

"Is this all really necessary?" I said when she took a breath. "I mean, why do you need a crib?" 

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Twouble with Twitter

Tweet! Tweet! Tweedle-dee-dee!
Have you heard the word, bird? Have you caught the A-Twain? Have you joined the chorus of rockin' robins clustered round the tweetin' tree?

That, right, dear readers! With a rollings of drums, with a fanfare of twumpets, we bring you the blessed new awakening, the latest, greatest innovation of social networking for the young'n'hip folk...

Monday, February 08, 2010

Why Mayonnaise is Evil (and other self-evident truths)

Over the years, I've often been mocked by family and friends for my "finicky" eating habits - their words, not mine. I've borne these slanders for many years with nary a word in my defense - but the days of passive-aggressive sulking are past. It's time to justify myself.

To be honest, I don't see why I should be targeted out as being finicky. My personal Index of Forbidden Foods isn't a multi-volume work, after all - it can fit it into a single index card:

1. Mayonnaise
2. Anything that contains mayonnaise
3. Anything that looks like mayonnaise

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Four simple words

Speaking about bumper I saw one that was kinda confusing. This is what it said:

I voted for Obama

...that's it. No joke - no 'point' - snappy, stupid or otherwise. Just four words. And no period.
Those four words are kind of a tabula rasa, aren't they? Meaningless by themselves, they invite we, the readers, to impregnate them with meaning. Is it a declaration? A confession? A statement?