Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Most depressing (and scary) food name ever

Yep. Fruit-flavored snacks
: (
 Is this what the once-mighty advertising culture has descended to? Couldn't they think of anything better than this? Fruity-Os? Frooty Goodness? Snack-a-froot-aroos? Anything? 

Don't try and distract me with awesome giant flesh-eating lizards. Your brand name still kills my soul.
I thought we had scraped the bottom of the barrel (sorry, the cylindrical container) with Crispy Hexagons - but clearly I was wrong. 
Seriously, I'd like to meet the guy who came up with this crappy name and just say: "Thanks a lot, jerk. When it comes to making the world a little LESS interesting, you take the cake (or as you would put it, the sugar-flavored bread). Way to go." 
I wonder how he would reply. 
Then again...he may not. 
He may just vaporize me with his ion-powered shoulder-mounted laser beam and sweep my ashes into the nearest incinerator. 
That's right. He may not even be human:  
Little-known fact about Terminators - they love mayonnaise. 
Think about it. "Fruit-flavored snacks" - well, it may not be flashy, but it certainly makes sense in a creepy, inhuman way. I mean, that's what they are. Snacks flavored with fruit. Ergo: Fruit-flavored snacks. Totally logical. Too logical for a human. 
And cunning, too. They try to hide their inhuman nature with flashy packaging and cartoon animals:  
We will distract them with extinct reptiles.
So Skynet may have taken over the food advertising business. So what? What's the worst that can happen?

Well, for starters, it means we'll start seeing food names like this: 

Meat stick
Cheese packet

Meat Stick

Corn Not On The Cob
Exploded Corn Not On The Cob

Meat Stick Coated With Pulverized Corn Not On The Cob Mixed With Flour-ERROR.

searching for alternate word combinations... Corny Meat Stick

Cow's butt
Stuffed Cow entrails
Meat Stick
Of course, some food names won't change at all...
Bottled water
...although if the machines had senses of humor (note: they don't. Nor do they have souls) they'd call it "something your grandparents secretly laugh at you for buying." 
So that's that. It's only a matter of time before they take over. Watch for the warning signs. Watch for grocery stores stocking more and more products with bland packaging and incredibly boring names... Oh. Wait. 

You've always thought these things were creepy. Now you know why.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Maggie May

Here's another song: 

Recently I bought myself a brand new electric guitar - a Epiphone special. (yes, I do play electric too - just not often enough for my liking). Anyway, to test it out I dug up another old, angry song from my dark, murky past.
What's the story behind this one? Well, you can guess. Broken heart. I wrote this at the end of a relationship that stretched, on and off, for almost three years and ended badly. Plus I was in a really bad stupid phase of my life. Out of school, working a dead-end job, no idea what to do with my life ... a phase of my life where I was just at rock bottom. Of course, my life got better eventually (this song deals with the turning point).
Maggie May is one of my better-written songs, I think. A great riff and great lyrics, and it showcases my mad guitar chops ....
... but I don't like it. Not at all. When I wrote this song, I was so full of anger and sadness. Songs are like emotional photographs - perfect records of the songwriter's state of mind. My state of mind when I wrote Maggie May is not something I like to relive - especially since it wasn't her fault, and it wasn't my fault, and it's all in the past, and I'm happy now, and we're friends again.
However, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Especially if you need to blow off steam or something.
I recorded this in the porch at my parents' house on an absolutely sweltering 7th-circle-of-hell heat wave of a day. Plus, it took me about a million takes before I got it right - mostly because I don't play this song that often (see reasons above). This explains the angry look on my face - it has nothing to do with the song itself or the story behind it. But it does kind of fit.

Song lyrics here

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

As a fitting tribute to labor day, here's a funny video about Batman!

Um...yeah. I don't really get the point of Labor day.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Another dream-haunting image

I can only hope that the Mafia finds the people who made this film. 
And does tings to dem.