Yep. Fruit-flavored snacks.
Is this what the once-mighty advertising culture has descended to? Couldn't they think of anything better than this? Fruity-Os? Frooty Goodness? Snack-a-froot-aroos? Anything?
|Don't try and distract me with awesome giant flesh-eating lizards. Your brand name still kills my soul.|
I thought we had scraped the bottom of the barrel (sorry, the cylindrical container) with Crispy Hexagons - but clearly I was wrong.
Seriously, I'd like to meet the guy who came up with this crappy name and just say: "Thanks a lot, jerk. When it comes to making the world a little LESS interesting, you take the cake (or as you would put it, the sugar-flavored bread). Way to go."
I wonder how he would reply.
Then again...he may not.
He may just vaporize me with his ion-powered shoulder-mounted laser beam and sweep my ashes into the nearest incinerator.
That's right. He may not even be human:
|Little-known fact about Terminators - they love mayonnaise.|
Think about it. "Fruit-flavored snacks" - well, it may not be flashy, but it certainly makes sense in a creepy, inhuman way. I mean, that's what they are. Snacks flavored with fruit. Ergo: Fruit-flavored snacks. Totally logical. Too logical for a human.
And cunning, too. They try to hide their inhuman nature with flashy packaging and cartoon animals:
|We will distract them with extinct reptiles.|
So Skynet may have taken over the food advertising business. So what? What's the worst that can happen?
Well, for starters, it means we'll start seeing food names like this:
|Corn Not On The Cob|
|Exploded Corn Not On The Cob|
|Meat Stick Coated With Pulverized Corn Not On The Cob Mixed With Flour-ERROR. |
NAME LENGTH EXCEEDS PARAMETERS.
searching for alternate word combinations... Corny Meat Stick
|Stuffed Cow entrails|
Of course, some food names won't change at all...
...although if the machines had senses of humor (note: they don't. Nor do they have souls) they'd call it "something your grandparents secretly laugh at you for buying."
So that's that. It's only a matter of time before they take over. Watch for the warning signs. Watch for grocery stores stocking more and more products with bland packaging and incredibly boring names... Oh. Wait.
|You've always thought these things were creepy. Now you know why.|