Monday, April 05, 2010

Pillow Talk

SHE: (after I made a particularly stupid joke): "Sleep with one eye open. You may be one testicle short in the morning."

ME: "....and that's how you can double the amount of virtual memory that the CPU uses! Isn't that-hey! You're not even listening! Don't you care about this?"
SHE: "I care because you care."
ME: "I don't even know what that means!"
SHE: "It means I don't care." 

ME: "Why do you pick on me?"
SHE: "Because they won't let me pick on small children" 

SHE: (throwing down a crumpled tissue) "My nose is stuffy but nothing comes out when I blow it! I hate stuffy noses! I hate pregnancy! I hate life!"
ME: (hugging her and kissing her on the nose) "Aw, I'm sorry, baby. What else do you hate?"
SHE: (eyes narrowed) "You."

SHE: "You're the size of a whale. With the brains of a snail. See, I can insult in rhyme, too."

ME: "I love you."
SHE: "You better! Now my stretch marks have stretch marks!"

SHE: "You want to test the theory that you can't kill somebody with a butter knife?"

SHE: "That was mean. Take me out to dinner. And it better be a good dinner. Or else it'll be my last dinner outside prison, and your last dinner not in a tube."

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