Sunday, May 10, 2009

How to write a novel (Squirrels are involved).

It is with great pride and trepidation that I announce the release of JOHN PAUL 2 HIGH Book 2!
Now, I didn't write this book. However, I did write JOHN PAUL 2 HIGH book 1. Confused? Check here for an explanation.
It occurred to me that many people might want to know how it is that you write a novel. Let me offer a simple example.
First, you make a character. For example: a girl called Katie.
Next, you got to make the character interesting, 'cause no one wants to read about a boring person. So....let's say that Katie obsession! An obsession with....squirrels!
Finally, you have to create a conflict! So...let's say that Katie is angry. Yeah. She's angry with her fiance, who is too busy posting things to his blog to work on John Paul 2 High Book 3. Which he is supposed to be doing. Right now. we have what we in the writing field call a CONFLICT. Then you take this conflict and run with it, and see what happens!
Katie stalked up and down the sidewalk, full of dark thoughts. "Squirrels..." she murmered, not noticing the alarmed looks of her fellow pedestrians. "Yes, squirrels will do nicely."
She headed for the nearby woods. Once she was deep in the forest, she took out a whistle - a hand-carved instrument on which she had spend months of testing and experimentation. With a wild gleam in her eye, she blew it. The note that issued from the whistle could not be heard by human ears...but the squirrels heard it. And they came, their small dark claws clicking on the trunks of trees. One by one, they came, quicker and quicker, until the combined weight of their small bodies weighed down the overhanging branches, and hundreds of small, dark eyes stared down, fixed upon the dark-haired woman, their summoner and master.
Katie looked upon her bushy-tailed minions, and laughed triumphantly. "Come, my pets!" she screeched. "Vengeance called! Go, and punish him!!!"
The squirrels chattered madly and rushed away like a black swarm, seeking the object of their mistress's hate. And Katie watched them go, with a satisfied smile on her face. "Soon...he will learn..." she whispered. "Soon..."
See? It's easy? Any questions, class?

1 comment:

  1. By the way, this is a lot funnier if you pronounce it English-style: "SQUI-rels."